Monday, 27 September 2010

I'm giving cocaine to a child this Christmas!

Unlike puppies children are Just for Christmas.

Each year millions of us give pointless rubbish to children (invariably the nauseating, spoiled offspring of friends and family) in the name of Jesus Christ. Children do not need the stuff; of course they want the stuff, that is what children do; they want stuff, but they do not need it.  No-one needs it.

Some stuff is needed by children; invariably it is the stuff that no-one wants to buy children because no-one wants reminding that there are poor kids whose lives could be made dramatically improved by a fairly small donation from You. Or me.

Burmese orphan

I have noticed that the coke heads of Notting Hill do not talk much about needy children... they talk about needy coke heads; the need to score, the need to talk about self.They talk about  etc etc etc.

Let's change all that!  This autumn I am campaigning for all coke heads to give the cost of one gramme of Colombian to a Burmese orphanage.  Cool eh!  Because once you have done it you can talk about your generosity for months ahead; Wow! And even if you are not a coke head you could give the cost of a gramme of MDMA, or the price of a bottle of poo (poo is Notting Hill for Champagne) or even the price of six pairs of socks as you don't seem to wear any under your penny loafers.

To make it even cooler I have come up with an edgy name for the act:


I need to get some badges made and then identify the right orphanages and stuff like that but I think this might work.

Yes let's all say it together:  I'M GIVING MY COCAINE TO A CHILD THIS CHRISTMAS!


Palash Davé said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Palash Davé said...

Nice one, sir. Very Swift's "Modest Proposal".

Simon (writer) said...

THE PC brigade'll fight yer. I think it was the Victorians who used to give children a dose of opium replaced years later by tv