Satire. Any resemblance to you is entirely down to your sense of self importance.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

And we are back...

After a week snowbound in an unheated cottage with Jan and Rusty it is good to be back in London dusting off the tuxedo in preparation for New Year's eve. I shall be attending the Rotting Hill Gang bash at the Tabernacle as well as popping into the Cow for a beer or two.

Between now and then is time for a rethink on where this blog is going in 2011...

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Portobello Panto 2010. It's behind you.

The Portobello Panto is an institution... In the hands of producer Piers Thompson it is a lunatic asylum.

The panto of old was a self indulgent plaything for a little clique of hillybillys; self referential and full of itself. The buzz earlier this year was that the panto was dead and about time too.... then along came Piers and Director Roger Pomphrey.


OK. The Panto of old made it's presence felt like Marley's ghost in the shape of an old turkey of a script by Kevin Allen from the 90's which was jazzed up with a dollop of cranberry sauce and of course the children. Notting Hill stalwart Ray 'Roughler' Jones made an appearance. The 'house band' featuring  Roger was worth the entry fee alone, the Tabernacle really came alive for what is it's raison d'etre, the fairies were brilliant as were their yummy mummies (the Fox school got a mention, why not!) and there were no new jokes to confuse the audience.



The high point for me was the cameo role from my scrabble nemesis and BBC star (you gotta have a star at Christmas) Simon Jack; I knew he was versatile but nothing prepared me for his jacket... IT shone.

The rendering of a living fire by a child was one of the most moving theatrical events I have ever witnessed... Bravo.

There is no point going into the plot or the characters; everything was as it should be in Pantoland, the evil character was of course a woman, the men were fools, the Princess was a valley girl, and yes! Oh no it's not, it's behind you!

Full marks to Piers and crew for assembling what was to me the dreamcatcher in the window of Notting Hill and a truly entertaining night.

If Pantomime is the closest thing to an honest snapshot of modern society... God help us all.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Ringo in Notting Hill

Starch, Psychopaths and Panto.

And we're back...

After two weeks of bedrest and the well starched attention of  nurse Hope I am finally up and about again.

Just in time too.  It is the last night of the Portobello Panto at the Tabernacle... Certainly not to be missed; more later. There are still tickets available for this afternoons show at: http://www.tabernaclelive.co.uk/whats-on/
panto+flyer.jpg (509×720)
The psychopath is off my back; focusing elsewhere no doubt.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Ryan O'Reilly, the Cow, Claudia Schiffer and whelks.

After a day dealing with the psychotic bitch in my life the Cow called...

Guinness, molluscs, bivalves, winkles, oysters, prawns and whelks with Ryan O'Riley of the Ryan O'Riley band and the man in a pink hoodie who looked as if he had lived enough this week without the burden of the upcoming days.

Ryan told the story of how a copper had tried to move him on in Portobello Road for waking Claudia Schiffer up.... It's ok Claudia, Ryan and the band are going on a European tour soon.

The winkles tasted of Eastbourne according to the man in the pink hoodie.

One of us cannot be wrong.

I had not heard this before... I have now.

Blake Edwards has died... RIP.

Harrods Christmas sentiment... In lights.

From DASHPERIOD
‘Fuck off Harrods’ done by a disgruntled employee, fired by Harrods from his job as the toy department’s Father Christmas, took revenge last night in spectacular style.
Gaining access to a maintenance control room, Lloyd Hudson, 35, from Ilford, Essex, was able to locate the chart and corresponding switches for Harrods’ 10,000 external lights.
Barracading himself in, Hudson disabled the correct lights until he could spell out his feelings to Harrods bosses and Christmas shoppers alike. He was removed by security guards after an hour-long stand-off, then handed over to police.
“He had drunk the best part of two bottles of whisky,” said a spokesperson for the iconic London store, “and it’s that kind of behaviour that got him the sack in the first place.” Hudson has since been released on police bail.
Knightsbridge visitors were stunned.
“Honestly, I am disgusted, ” said Irene Rider, 59, from Gary, Indiana. “I was with my grandchildren. We had just gotten off the bus. I said ‘look everybody’ and pointed up to the lights – but you know what the lights said? They said f**k off. And that is not an appropriate message for a child.  At least not at Christmas time.”

I love that 'at least not at Christmas' bit...   And of course Santa got the sack; Santa got the toys in the sack... even doctor Zeuss knows that. That Santa got the sack…..

None of the above is true of course. It is photoshoppery from The Poke.

Rachman at his height...


Click HERE for more from Ladbroke Grove 50's - 70's

Cutting Coke with Gold dust in Notting Hill.



A night out with the new Muse; Honesty. where do they get their names from these mid-western girls?

I asked her that. She replied: 'My dad got it from a seed catalogue'.

Anyway, once we's got off the subject of horticulture and how big her dad was and what kind of shot he used in his 12 bore and the fact that her leopard skin leggings were itching up a storm I excused myself for a pee.

Can't tell you where we were but I can tell you that the loo's were liberally sprinkled with gold dust... Shit! I thought. They are cutting the Coke with gold these days...  I took a sniff from a non urinal area; I wasn't that drunk.

Jeez.... Tinsel.

They are cutting the Coke with tinsel for Christmas.

They are not however cutting the bullshit.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Inadequates and drug problems.

Why do inadequates always cite drug problems as an excuse for being inadequate?

They were inadequate before they took drugs; the drugs just compound the inadequacy.

'Poor me'. They say. 'I am a victim of society'.

Bollocks.... They prey on society, demanding attention and compassion. They give nothing back.

If you cannot handle your drugs don't do them. Simple as that.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Jan Nieupjur writes on Student Demonstration.

Due to the ill health of this blogger Jan Nieupjur is guesting today. As I have previously stated,  his views and mine are not necessarily the same:


A number of youths sit in a central London pub.

Youth #1: "Let's pretend to be outraged by government policy and go to the demo. See if we can wind the police up enough to get them on the attack".

Youth#2: "Yeah".

Youth #3: "Power to the people, right on".

Cut to:  Some time later on the street: youth #1 is sitting in the road with a look of outrage on his face holding a Che Guevara bandana to a scratch on his forehead.

Youth#1: "Fucking monstrous. That copper hit me. It's not fair".

Youth #2: "Yeah".

youth #3: "I'm telling my mum".


Listen... If you go to the barricades you must expect the worst. You must have no consideration for your own safety (bloody hell! Liberty got her kit off for the cause). You are there to abuse authority and authority has the right to freedom of action as you do.

Stop fucking whining!

Within a collective action the acts of each individual represents the whole; if one idiot is balaclava'd up and gratuitously smashing a window then you are, by being there, all part of it. Expect to get hurt.

Of course you have the right to voice your convictions but the bloke in the uniform you are lobbing bricks at has an equal right to over-react and smack you on the head with a truncheon.

If your mum had any sense (and wasn't down the pub) she would clip you round the ear and send you to bed without your beans on toast and with a copy of 'A Tale of Two Cities'.

I was interested to see that the Press snappers were doing most of the 'egging on' as usual.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Jane Bussman, The Young Satellites and Rose Royce.

Last night saw me off To the opening of the 'Young Satellites' exhibition at the Atom Rooms at the top end of Portobello. A great little gallery presenting a collection of very, very good, young (and I mean young) photographers.  Go and see this if only to reaffirm the fact that YES photography is ART... And in this case, good Art.

Then to the Tabernacle for Jane Bussman's one woman show... I was expecting a shaggy dog story. We got a dodgy shag story... Despite the technical glitches she did it well if perhaps a tad overlong.

In the bar during the interval I learnt that Gwen Dickey (the voice of Rose Royce) is performing at the Cobden Club on Thursday night.  Got to go and see that.

Portobello Road: Spectrum. Cool baby.

This is from A facebook group well worth visiting if you are interested in the area...



Spectrum: Portobello road from Brian Jones on Vimeo.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Young Satellites

Ladbroke Grove between the 50's & 70's.

Brian Nevill has started a goup thing on facebook looking back at the area, the people and the music of those times... It is early days for the site but will be well worth a look for the remeniscences as well as the images....



Click HERE for the link.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Gallery 'pop up' in Cafe Ravenous, Portobello Road.

Some sort of Phoenix is rising, albeit temporarily, from the ashes of the notorious Cafe Ravenous. Sabrina Rowan Hamilton and others are running a pop up gallery from Thursday until the 24th... 


Art, chai and cupcakes, among other things, replacing iniquity (I am informed) plus more than likely a ghost of the  mayhem of old will put in an appearance. 




David miles
Sabrina Rowan Hamilton
Luke Dickinson
will be popping up an exhibition stroke cafe
where you can drink chai and fairy cakes or buy art
at (bargain basement clear out the studio time prices)
its christmas time




Times and info HERE

Murray Lachlan Young's TMS Ashes Poem

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Naughty and Nice,Tabernacle, Paradise Point, the Island experiment, Blair and very naughty at Maison Du Chien.

Ok. Friday night. Cold but not too cold to get up the road to Naughty and Nice at the Tabernacle; a party put on in order to collect toys for needy children at this time of year.  The toys go to kids in hostels for Women suffering from domestic violence. Please check out the web site.http://www.naughtyornice.org.uk/ and make a donation.

the Tabernacle in winter begins to look less like a church and more like a place to party. First up were 'Paradise Point'; a young and I understand unsigned band that will not remain so for much longer; A bunch of (all importantly) cool looking guys who are happy to put on a performance with some great up beat songs - a very pleasant change from the usual 'blokes with beards and guitars singing about dead things'- there was joy in the room.  A celebrity dad in the audience seemed pleased even though there was a technical hitch or two. A great new band. check them out.


Wade and his Island Experiment crew brought his blend of bonkers somewhere south of the borders madness followed by Blair.

I'd never heard of Blair... I have now.  check him out too!

I popped into Maison Du Chien on the way home (this is why I love Notting Hill, it really is on my way home) and took in some of Mat's Cabaret du Jour: in this case a brilliant New Yorker called Sxip Shirey with a bizarre musical act that needs to be seen and heard to be believed, followed by a 'fan dance' that decency does not allow me to describe... Fantastic. (Oops a pun). Hopefully these acts will be performing at Medium Rare at Christmas.  Medium Rare is Mat's Big thing, I'm going!  A free entry to the first person to ask. email me.

Trouble with the Muse.

I'm not having much luck with the Muse these days. The last one was definitely less than the sum of her parts.

Jan 'phoned from Antwerp suggesting I stick to painting by numbers in future.

I told him I was feeling pretty numb as it was but that is probably down to my new tipple; a splash of Jack Daniels in a glass of fizzy white...

I've turned to Art again, putting together a piece incorporating the most dangerous toothbrush in London alongside a portrait of the Virgin Mary.

The toothbrush is yellow!  http://virtualfactoryone.blogspot.com/2010/12/most-dangerous-toothbrush-in-london.html

The Lexi Cinema and Sally Wilton.

I didn't know too much about the Lexi until I read this in the FT

Star of the green screen

By Penny Wark
Published: December 3 2010 22:09 | Last updated: December 3 2010 22:09
Sally Wilton
Grounded: Sally Wilton with Lickers the cat
:We all make assumptions, and one of mine is that if an entrepreneur has sold a business for £21m she will live in
a swanky house. So why am I standing outside a pleasant but ordinary Edwardian end terrace in London’s Kensal Rise?
The clue is in the shy woman who opens the door, and the quirky building a few hundred yards away that announces on 
its front wall, “I AM CINEMA, LOVE ME”. This is The Lexi cinema, a thriving art house centre that serves as a focus for the
 community around it, and sends its profits to Lynedoch, an eco village in South Africa. Sally Wilton is the chief executive, 
although these days she works for nothing. Or at least not for personal gain. READ MORE

Ethically fabulous in Nottingt Hill.

Ethical Just Got Fabulous

Get Christmas wrapped up early with Ethical Just Got Fabulous
Magic 105.4 has joined forces with Ethical Just Got Fabulous to host the first ethical pop-up department store in Britain. Held in Notting Hill’s glamorous 20th Century Theatre over Saturday 4 – Sunday 5 December, Ethical Just Got Fabulous’s unique event will feature A-list stars and boutique brands, including Livia Firth of Eco-Age and award-winning designer Izzy Lane.
Shoppers will be able to browse a unique selection of gifts, as well as clothing, accessories, homewares, jewellery and handpicked stocking fillers. Visitors will be treated to live jazz, mulled wine and a raffle for a chance to win a Fabulous Christmas Hamper worth £1,000. Proceeds from the raffle will go directly to Magic 105.4’s Cash for Kids, find out more here.
Showcasing the very best ethical brands that embody both fair trade principles and essential style, doors open on Saturday 4th December 10am - 6pm and Sunday 5th December 11am – 5pm and it's free entry for all. So why not pop down and get Christmas wrapped up the fabulous way!

For more information click HERE

Friday, December 3, 2010




Click

Naughty or Nice.

Troy Davis Campaign by Amnesty International

Troy Davis: Making the invisible visible
Troy Davis: Making the invisible visible
http://vimeo.com/17296374
About this video:
"Troy Davis has spent 19 years on death row in the USA despite doubts about his conviction. German street art collective Mentalgassi have teamed up with Amnesty International to highlight his case by creating unique lenticular fence posters across London. Take action for Troy at: amnesty.org.uk/fence

Thursday, December 2, 2010

I'm in love...

I received this lovely email yesterday... It is a joy to know that there are still honest and genuine women out there.

I especially like the 'cheers' at the end; so romantic.

This reminds me of being hit on by Clive Cooke's favourite daughter.



anna wea

My name is Miss Anna ,
I am a nice young lady seeking for my heartthrob and love because i am tired of loneliness and dull life i searched and saw your contact on google and accepted you believing we match each other for love and friendship .

I look up to you to extend your hand of love and friendship as i did . Remember that distance , race , age , language , color , tradition , creed , religion and culture are no barrier to our relationship of real love and lasting friendship . It is only our positive interest of love that matters . I will tell you more about myself when i receive your reply .

Cheers ,
Miss Anna .

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Medium Rare at Christmas.

facebook abuse; paedophiles, fraudsters, groomers and lotharios. Oh. And Cocaine.

Yesterday I received a warning from the 'Morality Police' at facebook, informing me that they had removed my 'Cocaine at Christmas' group; A group I set up to link to a blog asking Coke heads to give the price of a gramme to charity this Christmas. Apparently someone took offence to it, didn't read it, just took offence. So fb pulled it.



Facebook

 to me

Hello,

The event "Give cocaine to a child this Christmas" has been removed because it violated our Terms of Use. Among other things, events that are hateful, threatening or obscene are not allowed. We also take down events that attack an individual or group, or advertise a product or service. Continued misuse of Facebook's features could result in your account being disabled.

If you have any questions or concerns, you can visit our FAQ page at http://www.facebook.com/help/?topic=wgroups.

The Facebook Team


This is the same facebook which allows paedophiles, groomers, perverts, sad idiots and fantasists to sneak around their network using aliases by the dozen, preying on the lonely, the sad, the insecure, the needy, the mentally ill and the downright gullible.

Facebook continues to allow these people access knowing full well that they are hiding behind aliases; some of them so obvious that a two year old child would recognise them as fraudulent, such is its desire to amass 'members'. There is absolutely no control over who joins under false names.I am putting together a list of those people known to me to be using aliases for nefarious reasons. I will publish it at a later date.

You can report these frauds but fb does nothing.... However post a photograph of a nursing mother and you are howled down by the 'Morality' police out there; after they have finished ogling over page 3 girls in their daily Sun of course.

Example: A pathetic accounts clerk working for the Social Services in a provincial Local Authority spends his working day on fb using an alias by which means he grooms sad, lonely and vulnerable women for his sexual gratification. The worst aspect of this is that he works for the Social Services; surely the last place you want this kind of person.  I am not making this up, I have statements from previous 'Victims' as well as reams of transcripts from his fb page. I also have copies of emails sent by him during office hours in which he is continuing his 'grooming' organising B&B's for meetings etc.  Some of them are quite obscene and not what you would want to expect from a civil servant.  This man also has at least three other aliases including an email address in a woman's name.  He also uses fb for stalking purposes. I wonder who's computer he is using?

I am led to believe that this man is now under investigation by his employers. Let's hope so. I will be asking for their comments on this matter.

I am also taking legal advice as to whether I can publish his false names on this blog... Surely I can as he is clearly contravening the fb 'rules' and obviously breaking his employment contract by conducting this business during company hours. (All the fb and email transcripts are helpfully timed and dated).

All said and done fb is not a responsible organisation and as such should not be allowed to police itself. And how do you remove the abusers? Easy in Britain; you demand individuals N.I. number as proof of identity rather than relying on a simple email address.

Problem solved.

Oh. You Cokeheads out there. Give the price of a gramme to charity this Christmas and go play in the real snow.